Wednesday, January 20, 2010

You know what? To hell with this!

Here's the deal-

I have a job. I'm going to be 34 soon. I can't have caffeine. I enjoy beadwork and reading. So what does all of this mean? I don't want to blog every night.

Also, there are days when I get up, go to work, come home, have dinner, read a little, and go to bed. Big deal. This is the curse of being an adult. And i don't particularly feel like blogging about drinking too much then playing Mario on the weekend.

So I've decided this New Year's Resolution bores me, and I'd like to do something else. Like read 4 books a month. Let's try that one, and maybe i'll blog a book report.

Thursday, January 14, 2010

You Totally Rule, Morbo.....

....I totally already know that!

When I'm tired, like I am right now, it's becomes obvious to those around me because I talk in quotes. For some reason my brain ceases to have the ability to come up with it's own original thoughts, but can summon up a pre-recorded thought that fits the situation. It's like having an episode of a usually live show ready to rerun in case something goes wrong with the production. Like I have standby thoughts.

One of my favorite books is "The Mysterious Flame Of Queen Loana" by Umberto Eco. It is about an antiquarian bookseller who suffers memory loss after a car accident, and his memory comes back to him in literary passages and quotes. Books and lines from books jog his memory, and I remember thinking when I read it that if I ever suffered memory loss, mine would trickle back in a similar fashion. And damn, I need to read more.

Loveliness Is A Woman's Obligation And Reward

Tonight after work I went for drinks with some women who work in my office. I've worked at home so long that I've completely forgotten what it's like to hang out with co-workers. I had fun, and as I was driving home, I heard "Wonderful Tonight" by Eric Clapton. Now, I'm not much of a Clapton fan, but I like this song, as I think everyone does. Well, most girls do. And as I listened to it, I felt very sad. Sad because I will never inspire that kind of song, as cheesy as it is.

Janeane Garafalo once said in a stand up act that all she could think of while watching the scene in "Chasing Amy" where Ben Affleck tells Joey Lauren Adams how he feels about her in the rain that this would never happen to her. No guy would ever say that kind of stuff to her, and if he did, she'd be a little freaked out because she would not understand why he liked her so much. I think this is how I feel about songs like this. As much as I want to be beautiful and inspiring and amazing, it's just not going to happen. Why? Because if I wanted it that bad, I'd wear makeup more often and pay more attention to my hair.

I remember watching "Blade Runner" at a sci fi marathon (oh geez) 15 years ago. As I was watching the scene where Harrison Ford was throwing around and grabbing and planting very hard kisses on Sean Young (and this is sick of me because basically, this is as close to robot rape as you're gonna get outside of Anime), I started to cry. Like REALLY cry. I was in a crowded theater so I was quiet, but I was quivering. My poor friend Steve was sitting next to me and was trying to ask me what was wrong, but I just didn't know how to explain that I was crying because no one would ever have that much of a desire to kiss me. You can't explain that kind of thing to boys.

I'm not sure where I'm going with this point, or if I have a point. It's just odd to me how cheesy love songs by musicians I don't really care about can make me feel all "I wish I was that girl in the song!" Do you ever outgrow the feeling of wishing a love song is about you?

And honestly, when it comes to men singing about their women at a party, I much prefer Nick Lowe's "Let's Stay In And Make Love". I prefer Nick Lowe's ANYTHING to a Clapton song.

Wednesday, January 13, 2010


I've been shopping at The Body Shop since 1991, back when Ms. Roddick was running the show. And I've seen a lot of my favorite products come and go. Kiwi lip balm, chamomile mask, and that shaving cream for men that smells like pumpkin pie are just a few. And while they haven't brought this stuff back, they recently brought back an old line, including Dewberry, Ice Blue, Cucumber, and Carrot.

I always liked Dewberry, so I stopped at the mall tonight after work to grab some. I was unprepared for the flood of memories the scent of it would bring down upon me. I smelled the tester, and automatically, it was 1991 again. I felt like I was in high school again, and I almost cried. It was such an amazing sensation. I usually get transported by sounds, not scents, but this did it to me big time. All I could think of was that time, and who I knew then, and I could almost touch that year. It was incredible. So incredible that I bought 3 bottles of Dewberry bath gel.

Who the hell gets nostalgic about bath gel? Interesting culture I live in that I am totally into this.

My husband went across the mall to the Penney's to spend a gift card, and when I went to find him Sting's "Why Should I Cry For You" was on the in store music system. I got "The Soul Cages", the album this song is on, for Christmas, 1991. Talk about completing the illusion.

Sometimes I wish I could go back in time and make the most out of all the chances I had back then. Other times I realize I did what I did to become who I am now, and aside from the fat surrounding me, I like that I am who I am. But if I do feel like time traveling, I have those 3 bottles of Dewberry.

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Desert Island Discs Revisited

Last year, I did a post about the whole idea of Desert Island Discs, which is basically a way to list albums you just love and are the person who you are because of them. The question again is if you were on a desert island, assuming you had food and water for the rest of your life but were stuck somehow miraculously with electricity, which albums would you want with you? I posted a good list, but the other night I was playing Lego Rock Band, and "Free Fallin'" is one of the tracks. As I was singing it, I thought, was this on my desert island discs list? Well, I just re-read it, and it's not, so I've decided to add to it. And assuming I'm the only one on the island, I probably have enough space for a lot of albums.

Full Moon Fever, Tom Petty
I saw Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers for the first time in 1995 with my friends Jason, Shelley, Beth, and Seth. Before the show, Jason asked me how many encores I thought he would do, and what the last song would be. I thought about it and I said "Well, there IS this song at the end of Full Moon Fever called "Alright For Now" that is like a lullabye, and I think that would be super cool. I doubt it though, it's kind of obscure and not a Heartbreakers song." And guess what the last song was of that night? It was amazing, I cried. My friends gave me this album for my 14th birthday, and I played it to death. It's still one of my favorites.

Graceland, Paul Simon
I felt so grown up when I bought this record. Paul Simon was/is such an icon of American music, and I felt like I really was learning something about being a grown up when I bought this in the 5th grade. As an only child, I didn't have kids around or older siblings to look up to, so I couldn't wait to be an adult. Any time I was seen as older than I was, or did things adults did I felt like I was on my way to being a grown-up. And I still think being an adult, for all of the bad sides of it, is pretty damn cool. You can drive, stay up late and eat ice cream, order pizza whenever you want, and if you budget, you can buy whatever toys you want.
Anyway, this album was recently re-released, and I finally replaced my old cassette with a cd, and I still love this album. "Crazy Love, Part 2" was always one of my favorites, but there isn't a bad one in the bunch. Carrie Fisher said in her autobiography, "How could I not love the man who wrote 'Medicine is magical and magical is art, think of the boy in the bubble and the baby with the baboon heart'? The answer is I couldn't not love that man." I think a lot of people believe that it is just impossible to not love Paul Simon. Personally, I can't not love the man who wrote "Hey Senorita, that's astute, I said. Why don't we get together and call ourselves an institute?"

Powerslave, Iron Maiden
This album contains "2 Minutes To Midnight". I really don't need to say much more than that.

Switched On Bach, Wendy Carlos
I love the Moog. Love it. And I love Bach, so Wendy Carlos' album of Bach pieces done on the Moog is one of my favorite things ever. I love all of Wendy's work, from her fantastic Kubrick soundtracks to the version of "Peter and the Wolf" that she did with "Weird" Al Yankovic, but this album holds a special place for me. It was one of those albums that at the time it was released was a bit of a novelty, but Wendy's musicianship prevents it from being one of those flash in the pan records that everyone had and everyone sold at their garage sale. She is an amazing woman, and if anything rivals her musical talent it is her talent for eclipse photography. Seriously.

Titanic Days, Kirsty MacColl
Kirsty is my favorite female musician of all time, and really, all of her albums would need to come with me to a desert island, but this was the album that I first heard of hers, so it's special. "You And Me Baby" is one of my all time favorites, and as weird as "Titanic Days" and "Can't Stop Killing You" can seem, this album is amazing. I can't say enough wonderful things about Kirsty. My feelings about her run from respect, admiration, jealously, love, grief. If I keep talking about her, I'll never stop.

An Open Letter to Alfred Matthew Yankovic

Hello Al-
I recently caught the episode of Shatner's Raw Nerve with you as the guest. I'm a huge fan of yours, and as such I've learned a lot about you over the years through other interviews and Biography episodes, and even The Compleat Al. And although that episode with Shatner had to be extremely difficult for you, I wanted to let you know how much I appreciated your being open and honest in telling your story.

Let me first say that when your parents passed away, my heart broke for you. I can imagine, but really don't want to, the pain you went through, and I'm sure still feel from such an epic loss. And I think your experience hit home with me not as a fan feeling sympathy for someone she admires, but more from the aspect of one only child to another.

I am the only child of parents who are still married and who live 5 minutes away. I've always been extremely close to them, and I've been lucky enough to be the child of people who let me grow up so now that I am an adult, my parents are like friends, too. Even as a very young child, the thought of losing them terrified me. I think only children don't have that "us against them" with their parents the way a family with parents and siblings do, and as such I think we tend to have a different bond with our parents.

I remember thinking when it happened that if I were to lose my parents in a similar way, it would almost be easier knowing that I only had to go through the pain once, rather than a first and second time. But something you said on Shatner really got to me, and that was that you felt there was some blessing in the fact that their dying together meant that one of them would never have to live without the other. I agreed with that, and I think I would feel the same solace.

Thank you so much for sharing such a terrible moment of your life with the world, and with other onlys who may have lost their parents, or who still have that as their worst fear.

Thank you,


Fenton, shut up!

So I caved.

I was so pissed that Glee (yes, Glee) was going on hiatus because of American Idol that my plan was to boycott this season of Idol. But I watched it anyway, and I'm glad I did, because I got to see Andrew Fenton. He was this year's nasty guy, and he's the one who kinda looked like Clark Kent. And just the fact that his name was Fenton reminded me of Fenton from Home Movies. And of course, Coach McGirk saying "Fenton, shut up! Shut up! You apologize to your mother, and you apologize to all these people!"

Home Movies was done by the same people who did Dr. Katz, Professional Therapist, which is one of my all time favorite shows. It was an animated show centered around Dr. Katz, who was a therapist to comedians or actors, so the therapy sessions were based on their standup acts. And the actors who were on were extremely funny, especially David Duchovny. Just him saying "Bubbleiscious" is hilarious. But my favorite Dr. Katz guest was Ray Romano. He was so funny on that show, and his episodes are great. I loved him so much that when I found out he was going to have a sitcom, I was really excited. And of course, that sitcom turned out to be Everybody Loves Raymond, so therefore I was sorely disappointed.

No offense, Ray Romano. I'm fully aware that this is one more sitcom than I'll ever have, I just don't like he said/she said comedy or family dysfunction.

Ray Romano has a new show, an hour long drama with the occasional chuckle called "Men Of A Certain Age". I'm of course watching it because it also stars Scott Bakula, who I'm sorry, I just love. I never got into Enterprise, but I love Scott Bakula. I even have "Somewhere In The Night" on my iPod. Anyway, Andre Braugher is in it too, and it's a surprisingly good show. The Ray Romano character is separated from his wife and just starting to date again, and the most recent episode is his first date with a woman the Scott Bakula character set him up with. And during the date, they are cracking jokes, and I was thinking "wow, that's pretty funny. He's clever!" And then I thought to myself, oh yeah, he IS a comedian!

I forget things sometimes.

Monday, January 11, 2010

Mr. Plow

Jingles. As annoying as they are, they are genius. For example, who doesn't know the Mr. Plow jingle? It's not even a real commercial!

The reason I find them genius is the reason I find pop songs genius. There is a certain genius to be able to write a song that half the population hates, but everyone knows the words to. Jingles are the same thing. For example, there are various websites that occasionally post commercials from the 80s or 90s, and it AMAZES me how i still know the lyrics. Like why do I know the Big Red song? Or Crispy Critters? Why is that still in my head!? See? Genius.

Fuckin' Football

I'm not going pretend that I like football. I don't like it. I find it boring, and I've lived near Ohio State long enough to really dislike what it does to people. I don't particularly like jocks, and this stems from going to a football game when I was in the 8th grade and seeing a group of steakheads try to stomp the life out of a small bunny rabbit who was just unlucky enough to find himself on a football field. As if the bunny did something to them. And I'm sick of being told that it's okay in this culture to obsess over football and nothing else. Someday when I feel like looking for it, I will repost the letter to the editor I wrote bitching about how the paper made fun of Star Wars fans, but says nothing about the tailgaters who wait outside longer before the game than the Star Wars fans waited for the movie to start.

And I don't like how football makes me miss The Simpsons.

Not that there is anything wrong with people who do enjoy football. I'm always on the side of obsessive fandom, whatever it is. Just don't tell me I'm an idiot for liking what I like, because when you think about it, you are just like me. Explain to me how putting on a jersey that looks like an official jersey and playing football in the yard at halftime is NOT cosplay.

Sunday, January 10, 2010

01.10.10 Revisited

This one will be short, not because I'm trying to cheat on my whole 2 blogs a day for the next 10 days thing, but because I'm doing this without my glasses. And the longer I can't see, the more pissed off I get at everything/everyone. I was telling Juice last night that not being able to pee when you have to is just second to not knowing where my glasses are and thus, not being able to see to find them on my list of top annoyances. I've tried the whole put them in the same place every time you take them off thing, but I can't make that strong of a commitment.

Also, Chris and I are going to go to Half Price Books today. We went through our books and found some stuff that we can get rid of, basically to make more room for stuff we'd rather have. I've always thought that it is the duty of the intelligent person to have a house full of books, and that the bookless home is a sure sign of someone who has uttered the phrase "Why are you reading that? What, was it assigned to you?" Granted this is judgmental, but I've been proven right a few times. A friend of mine said someone was in his house once, looked around at the shelving and said "Wow, y'all sure do got a lot of books."

Yet today has changed my mind. First of all, with the internet, a million reference books are so not necessary. And also, there is this thing called the library which honestly, people do not use enough, so even if you don't have books, as long as you have a library card, you've proven that you find reading to be important, which is really the key point here. But after going through my books, I'm starting to think that it's not intelligent people who have lots of books, but also people who enjoy dusting and the company of silverfish.

Already late 1.10.10

So i'm 10, count 'em, 10 days behind on this daily blog thing. Today is January 10, so already i suck. I figured a good way to remedy this is to do 2 blogs a day for the next 10 days, that should do it.

I don't think I did a blog on New Year's Day because I worked 15 hours on New Year's Eve. Not strenuous, just long. And how did I spend my New Year's Day? Flipping between the Doctor Who and Twilight Zone marathons, while Chris was asleep on the sofa, sick. And thanks to this work schedule and Chris being sick, we missed a party.

Usually, considering the fact that I have social anxiety disorder, missing a party usually makes me feel relieved. But this year, I was really looking forward to this party. It was held by our friends Chris and Molly, who I frankly don't spend enough time with. And last night, I had a dream that proved this to me. I dreamt that all of my friends who I love but never see were all together at this theater/bar/apartment building. We all mingled around, watched a play, and drank amaretto sours. I've never had an amaretto sour, but the point still remains, I need to see more of the other geeks in my life.