Thursday, November 15, 2012

Trust and Body

Portia de Rossi recently wrote a book. It is a memoir called Unbearable Lightness, and in it she discusses her own body image issues and her struggle with anorexia nervosa. 

I would just like to repeat that.  Portia de Rossi discusses her BODY IMAGE ISSUES.  Portia de Rossi.  

For anyone not familiar with Portia de Rossi, she looks like this:

She's adorable, wouldn't you agree?  She's also very interesting and very funny.  She starred in 2 of my favorite TV shows of all time, Arrested Development and Better Off Ted.  She's married to Ellen DeGeneres and is an animal rights activist and is pretty much all around cool.  And she's beautiful.  She's one of those people who is cute in a tshirt, jeans and ponytail, but then is also very classically glamourous when makeup and hair are done for an evening out.  I like her quite a bit.  

I too have body image issues, but I'm a size 22 who's been told by more than one guy that I'm too heavy and/or not good enough for them.  It seems to me like my having body image issues makes more sense.  However, according to Portia de Rossi's book, she began modeling at the age of 12 but was told by someone that her bum was too big.  Who besides a jerk big brother tells a 12 year old something like that?  

Now, I thought for a minute about posting photos of these men that for whom I did not make the cut, but that is just schadenfreude and the whole point of my story here is the beauty is in the eye of the beholder.  One of them got to marry a gymnast so I guess I WAS too fat for him, but whatever.  And frankly, it doesn't matter anymore.  Until my husband who loves me dearly (I do trust THAT, so I'm getting healthier) tells me to drop a few pounds I shouldn't care.  

But I'm getting ahead of myself.

When I learn things about people who fit the classic/stereotypical standard of beauty having body image issues, I'm always surprised.  I mean, you'd think these people have no worries when it comes to their appearance other than someone making an assumption that they are not very smart or some other crap stereotype.  But evidently, most women hate their bodies and have taken drastic measures to change it.  I don't get this, and there has to be a way to change it.  

Of course, we all know that as women we are our own worst enemies.  It's not like Anna Wintour throws a lot of work towards "plus sized" models.  Plus sized models by the way are size 10 and up.  And bless you, Helen Gurley Brown, but talk about mixed messages.  What kind of schizo magazine has articles about loving your body as is then on the next page tips for a flatter stomach in 10 days?  We don't know what to think, and we judge each other.  

And while a case could be made for men being our second worst enemy, it's not the case.  The issue isn't the men, it's the POWER we give the men over us.  Personally, I've given the opinions of men who don't like me WAY too much credence.  I've let rejections stick with me for too long, and I've let the pain of said rejections lead me to self destructive behavior.  I think it is time I'm done with that.  

There are people out there who love me.  They'd love me and be my friend were I simply a head in a jar.  If I'm not their cup of tea physically, it doesn't matter.  I'm well loved by a good man.  I need to focus on how wonderful THAT is rather than wonder why the whole world doesn't see that I can be attractive.  Who cares if men only hold doors for hot chicks and as such I open my own doors all the time?  My husband and I open doors for each other.  I'd rather have that. 

I need to let go of previous pain.  I need to let go and accept the fact that not everyone in the world is going to like me.  I need to remember that everyone has beauty in some form, and the people that I find the most interesting are the ones who can see the beauty in everyone.  If I'm not good enough for superficial people, that's okay.  I'm likely too complicated for them anyway.  

Portia de Rossi taught me that this is not just a fat girl affliction, this body image epidemic.  And if she can rise above it, so can I.  

And Better Off Ted is streaming on Netflix.  If you've never seen it, you need to.

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