Records

This week I purchased 3 new albums - Girl On Fire by Alicia Keys, Love This Giant by David Byrne and St. Vincent, and Hands Of Glory by Andrew Bird.  All three of these albums are fabulous, and I think I need to buy some St. Vincent albums now too.  

When I buy new records, sometimes I don't aways get a chance to listen to them in depth like I used to when I was younger.  Does anyone else remember doing this?  You'd buy a new record, bring it home, put it on the stereo and listen to it beginning to end while reading the lyrics and liner notes.  I used to have much more personal relationships with my records.  I miss that.

So I'm going to get back to that.  

I need to revisit most of my record collection.  I'm thinking a cozy comforter, a cup of tea, and listening to some of my neglected records and perhaps, blogging about my feelings about them.  So, yeah.  That's my plan.  And once I've done this a bit, my iPod is going to get loaded up like crazy.  

Why do I even bother?

Sigh...

Doesn't all of this knee jerking hurt?  Evidently, people who read my last blog are not happy with me.

A name dropper that I don't believe I've met before commented on my previous post asking me who died and made me God and what makes me think I can judge geek girls as shallow.  Perhaps my previous blog was too long and therefore people reading it checked out in the middle, so here are some bullet points:

• I do not think geek girls are shallow.  I think we rule. 
• Tony Harris doesn't think geek girls are shallow.
• I do not think that women in geekdom are not "true" geeks.
• I believe that women geeks are geeks to their marrow, just like me.  
• I do not have an issue with cosplayers.  
• I enjoy seeing cool costumes and I'm usually in awe of the skill used to make them and the time taken to make them perfect.
• I do not however enjoy when people in costume won't give me a straight answer because they are too busy playing their part. It's like if we're not LARPing, please just tell me your actual, appears-on-your-driver's-license name.

Okay, so there is that.  Now, here are some of my opinions in general:

• I do not enjoy spending time with shallow people.  
• I do not enjoy people who put on a front of any kind.  
• I do not like men who lie to pick up women.
• I do not like women who lie to pick up men. 
• I feel that there is something disingenuous about women who use their feminine wiles to obtain attention, services, or material goods.
• I find attention whores to be exhausting.
• I do not like it when people feel that geeks are easily fooled because they are just that desperate for attention from the opposite sex.  
• I do not like it when others talk about geekdom in a degrading fashion, like it's "cute" or something.

So there.  I hope this clears things up.  I would once again like to remind people that I am an extremely geeky geek, and I am a woman.  I love being a geek.  To me, this is way more fun than anything.  As geeks we get to watch, read, play, and listen to amazing things.  And, we get to collect stuff.  My first reaction when meeting someone who is just getting interested in something I love is to be excited and open to sharing my stuff.  And if I see you in a cool costume I will take your photo and compliment you.  And if you happen to be dressed as Altaira Morbius, Jessica 6, or Penny Priddy, I will bow down before you, because those characters rule.  I'll be even more excited to be pals with you if you have seen the movies in which those characters appear.  Frankly these are the sexiest costumes I can think of off the top of my head, and if I had the body for them I'd dress up like these women in a New York minute. 

Oh, a few more bullets:

• Not all women are shallow.
• Not all HOT women are shallow.
• Not all men are shallow.
• Not all HOT men are shallow.
• SOME women are shallow.
• SOME women use their looks to get attention.
• SOME women think that geeky guys are easy targets who will willingly do anything for them just because they, as geeks, never talk to women ever. 
• SOME men are shallow.
• SOME men use their looks to get attention.
• SOME men think that they are doing some great charitable service to talk to a woman whose appearance is less than Vogue magazine standard.
• I usually dislike ALL of the people who fall into the SOME categories listed above.  

Are we clear now?  And is the issue really just the fact that Tony Harris singled out scantily clad women?

Please, everyone - when you're reading something, please read past the buzzwords.  This goes for essays, opinion pieces, news stories, sales pitches, and especially election campaigns. 

Tony Harris

A few weeks back, artist Tony Harris posted a status update on his Facebook page that was an open poison pen letter to fake geeks, specifically fakers who cosplay.  If you haven't read it, all you must do to read it is Google "Tony Harris cosplay" and you'll find his statement and the 3,803,728 rebuttals and scathing retorts.  

I've read a lot of the retorts and watched a lot of the YouTube commentaries regarding his comments.  And, I would like to say to the authors and creators of a lot of these retorts, YOU TOTALLY WEREN'T PAYING ATTENTION.  Granted, this is the internet, and taking only what you want to hear/read/believe out of a larger statement is commonplace around here, but everyone needs to just calm down and think about what is really going on here.  

First of all, the definition of his term "Cosplay-Chiks" is NOT "All cosplayers of every kind, ever".  Cosplay, or dressing in costume to attend events, is a cool thing when it's done by genuine people who genuinely love the characters they are portraying.  Or, people who create their own characters, or their own take on existing characters.  For example, anyone doing a Steampunk version of something, or one of those Ghostbusters groups that dress in Ghostbuster uniforms but who use their own names as though they are just another faction of the Ghostbuster franchise.  Yes, I used the words "Ghostbuster" and "franchise" in the same sentence on purpose.  Go ahead, say it out loud if you'd like, I'll wait for you...

Okay, moving on.

Cosplay is not a bad thing.  It's pretty neat to see people come up with their own ideas for costumes.  I have MANY photos of costumed fans that I've taken at cons over the years, but since I don't know any of these people, I don't really feel I should post them here.  But some of the cool costumes I've seen have been really fun.  One that sticks out in my mind was a girl dressed in a toga with a Bubo the Owl attached to her shoulder.  Bubo rules, and that's a great idea for a costume.  

I also know serious costumers who do things like visit children's cancer wards dressed as Spider-Man.  NO ONE thinks there is anything wrong with that.  That's a wonderful way to share your passion and love for stories and characters.  I also have friends who just love to dress up in costume, and who spend hours if not days creating the perfect costumes.  For these people, Halloween is not enough.  Conventions and festivals are the perfect place to showcase a well made costume, and seriously, if you spent your winter making a vest of chain mail by hand, by Grabthar's hammer you need to wear that sucker come summertime. 

The only thing to remember is that the stakes are high now.  Your cardboard and tempura paint Optimus Prime costume isn't going to beat out the Endor Leia with homemade dress, long hair with braid bumps and a stuffed Wicket.  

I truly don't believe that Tony's intention was to insult or discount the entire cosplay culture.  It's hard to sit at a table at a convention and not have fun watching the costumes walk by, so I really don't believe this was his message.  He was referring to a very, VERY small but prominent group of (usually) females who feel the need to draw attention to themselves.  

I'm going to tread lightly here as not to offend, but before I go further I'd like to remind everyone that I myself am a woman and quite a bit of what I am about to say next is true of myself as well.  

First off, let's talk about booth babes for a moment.  These are hot women hired by companies to dress in sexy, skimpy costumes and hang around the booth so people can be photographed with them, or to simply attract attention to the product.  These women often are NOT geeks, they are hired actors or models.  We need to take them out of the equation because these are just like any other convention employees.  You don't have to be a geek to work a con, you just do your job like it's any other event.  And until we can prove that beautiful people aren't good at selling things, we can't fault them.

So booth babes aside and dyed in the wool cosplayers being removed from the line of fire, who is left?  Well, this is where it gets tricky.  I'm a geek girl.  I can tell you that a lot of us have struggled or currently struggle with self image and self esteem issues.  Like who doesn't, right?  And as most females who are interested in things that have stereotypically and historically male centric audiences, I can tell you that it's sometimes surprising to go somewhere, like a convention where you are simply there doing what you love and being yourself, and be approached and talked to by strangers.  For some of us, this doesn't happen much in our day to day life.  We go from men never even noticing us enough to be polite and hold a door for us to men wanting to talk to us because we have common interests and they respect us.  Attention and respect is great and feels wonderful to have.  Therefore, at times, some women have been known to get caught up in this, and occasionally milk it a bit too long.

Some men milk it too.  Soaking up attention is not an inherently female trait.  As Tony Harris himself says in his post, this happens to men as well.  It's just something that happens sometimes to people who don't get much attention in their day to day life.  For further humorous reading on this subject, I suggest this article from The Onion.

Long story short, anyone who goes from feeling unnoticed and unwelcome to feeling noticed and approved of is going to feel warm and happy.  Shannon Hoon showed us all how great it is to finally find our bee garden.  It feels great to be with people who get you, who like the same things, and who want to talk to you because you are who you are, not because of something superficial.  Hell, we're geeks.  We talk all the time to each other without ever even seeing each other.  We could all be heads in a jar and as long as we can all telepathically quote "The Simspons", we can still have parties.  

Of course, some people try too hard.  Or they SEEM like they try too hard.  These people are not the subject of Tony Harris' rant either.  These are quiet, shy people who are giving it everything they have to be social.  Sometimes it can come off as awkward, but everyone can sympathize with this feeling.  Sometimes people tend to make a big deal out of themselves for no other reason than trying too hard.  

But, there are those people who make a big deal out of themselves because they are aware that they have something that will grab someone's attention.  It doesn't matter if they are are genuine or not, they want attention and they are going to grab it.  There are some women, who when it comes to things that have stereotypically and historically male centric audiences, think that just because they are women they will have an easy in with the guys if they just show up.  Some women take that further and figure if they add skimpy clothing to the mix, their guarantee is even greater.  Make that skimpy geek costumes, and bam, you are IN with those nerdy boys, right?  Not necessarily.  

These are shallow women.  Women who go to conventions not because they like comics or sci fi or gaming or any other form of obsessive fandom, but because they consider these geeky guys to be easy pickings.  They think that simply because they dress cute in a skimpy costume (or just a skimpy outfit, it doesn't have to be Zatana or Leeloo) they can get the attention of the men at the convention because hey, these are geeks!  They don't date, right?  They never leave the computer for long enough to have a girlfriend, right?  And hey, aren't some of these guys rich?  

Seriously.  I've been to a lot of cons.  I use the women's bathrooms.  I know what goes on in the minds of some of these women.  I'm pretty sure that this small percentage of shallow women are about whom Tony Harris is referring.  The casual fan who thinks a convention would be fun and hey, I'll go get The Hulk's autograph while I'm there isn't going to be all bombastic and shallow and dress in a way that shows skin, not appreciation for a character.  And it's totally okay to be a casual fan.  Geekdom is not this exclusive club that requires a test or initiation for membership.  That is a common misconception.  Did you dig The Avengers movie?  Do you remember loving the Batmobile when you were a kid?  Then come on down to a convention sometime and have some fun.  Conventions are fun, and being a geek is fun.  Anyone who "quizzes" you before they allow you to speak to them isn't a geek, they are a dick.  Some geeks are dicks.  But dicks are everywhere, and we shouldn't let them ruin things for the rest of us.  

The geek community is full of people who have been shunned or made fun of for being themselves.  As a whole, we are a welcoming group and we always love to meet new friends with common interests.  

But I digress.

Back to the part about people who are shallow.  When a woman thinks that she can just have her pick of geeks simply because she dresses cute, it's insulting.  It's insulting to the men they are after because it assumes that they are these un-fuckable trolls with no hope for love so they are as such, desperate and will cling to anything that speaks to them.  It is insulting to other geeks and fans because it means we have to deal with your insincerity and listen to you bash us.  And, it's insulting to the women who are true fans of this geeky stuff.  And by true fan I mean we actually like it on an every day basis.  We may be new to it, just learning about a new thing, just finally getting into something old, or an expert.  Our "level" of fandom isn't what makes us sincere.  It is the fact that we are at a convention because we like the stuff inside.  Some geek girls are super hot and look great in their Sailor Mercury costume.  But the real fan has at least seen an episode or read an issue. 

What Tony Harris is upset about is shallowness.  And who can blame him?  Think about all of those photos you see on the Failbook that are captioned "Me and Superman!  I'm such a nerd!" and it's a photo of a girl next to Spider-Man.  That is annoying and embarrassing.  Imagine a girl in tattered rags with green skin walking around a convention saying "Look at me, I'm Lady Hulk!"  That shit gets real old real fast. 

Just because Tony Harris doesn't like this kind of behavior, and just because this kind of behavior is seen most often in women, this does NOT mean he is a woman hater.  He is far from it.  He is married with daughters and he adores them.  I would be willing to put money on the fact that a lot of people who are really ticked off about his post had never even heard of him before reading about this post.  This is not to say anything bad about Tony or his work, I just know how the internet works.  It's anger before understanding.  

The thing is, I agreed with his post when it came up on my wall.  I don't like people who are insincere.  I don't enjoy seeing people who are obviously not in to something but act like they are simply for attention.  I don't care what gender they are, this is a description of a person with whom I am not interested in having a conversation.  Frankly I was surprised at how upset this made so many people, because I thought his message was obvious.  He's not bashing cosplayers or women or geeks who aren't "geeky enough".  He's bashing people who try to get attention by putting on a front.  Sure, he may have singled out women who dress skimpy at cons but aren't fans, but that doesn't mean ALL women or ALL costumed fans or ALL geeks or ALL people who are new to geekdom.  People HAVE to start understanding that this is not a black and white world.  It's not all or nothing.  

People who don't like comics but go to comic conventions in skimpy costumes are the non drinkers at an AA meeting.  They are the childless people at a single parent support group.  They are insincere and only there because they want something and think it will be easy to get from this crowd.  

When reading comments like Tony's, it is best to check your baggage beforehand.  Girls have a tough time sometimes.  Geeks have a tough time.  Cosplayers have a tough time.  Just because we've all been bruised doesn't mean we should have these knee jerk reactions because we happened to see one word used in a rant.  Just because a rant uses the term Cosplay Chick, it doesn't automatically mean that 100% of people in costumes and 100% of females are the suck.  Keep reading.  Keep listening.  Pay attention beyond the buzzwords.  

I would now like to reply to YouTuber ALB who said that if male geeks "Had their way, women would NEVER be accepted into geekdom." and who went on to say "Women's worth in geekery in your eyes is our looks.  Not our contributions to fandom, but our looks. Whether it's positive or negative, our looks are the determining factor of success in your eyes."  ALB, you are full of shit.  I'll agree with you that fat guys who can't remember to shower are hypocrites when they wear buttons that say "No Fat Chicks".  Again, this is not all male geeks.  This is another example of a dick.  Some people are dicks, this is true.  But most geek guys have NO ISSUE with geek girls.  Most of my geek friends are married or in long term relationships with other geeks, and both parties cherish the fact that they can share everything with their partner.  And if all that male geeks care about is how a woman looks, then explain to me why the 2 time Eisner Award winning comic book artist and comic book fan Chris Sprouse has been married to this for the last 10 years?

Because they are both geeks, that's why.  They are insanely compatible and have tons of common interests, mainly geeky interests.  The only thing they love more than Star Wars is each other.  Suck on that, ALB.

Why I Never Finished College

I don't have a degree. There, I said it.  This is the thing I am most ashamed of in my life and as such I find this a difficult subject to discuss.  Usually when someone asks I just say something dismissive like "Oh, life got in the way!" and attempt to change the subject because I know I'm being judged harshly.  

I've read "Stuff White People Like".  I know how much emphasis society (specifically the leftist, NPR listening part of society that is outlined in "Stuff White People Like" which is the part of society in which I reluctantly include myself) places on having a degree.  Even if the degree has NOTHING to do with one's current job, having a degree puts them in a much higher echelon.  I admit to coveting said echelon.  

Where I work, anyone with a PhD is automatically seen as untouchable, even if said PhD is in Russian poetry or something else that has nothing to do with our business.  "She has a PhD so you know she knows what she's doing."  Really?  Since when does a PhD in French philosophy give someone the edge in the insurance world?  

But I digress.  

I am very, VERY ashamed of not having a degree.  I'm sure everyone agrees with me that I SHOULD be ashamed of this, but I think everyone would be surprised by my reasons behind my shame.  Surely the likely conclusion is that I feel bad because I am stupid and/or flunked out because I'm just not smart enough and therefore am just another reality TV watching idiot who doesn't read.  It's actually much more complicated.  

Every reason I have for not finishing college has to do with a personality trait about myself that I absolutely hate.  All of my bad traits and habits came to a head around 1998 to create this perfect storm of complete and utter failure.  And by failure I mean my failure to finish, not failing classes.  Did I have a 4.0 GPA?  No.  Was I struggling?  Yes.  Did I flunk out?  No.  Could I have done better?  Of course.  So why didn't I finish?  As I stated previously, the reason is a complicated web of personal issues, which I will now list. 

1-I am not good at finishing things.

I'm not.  I often leave projects unfinished or get distracted by something new.  I also find that when I'm about 64% through something, I realize, usually too late, that I really don't care for what I'm doing and as such, I don't wish to continue.  This is one of my greatest faults.  I will see anything through to the end if I am doing something for someone else, for example a work project or a favor for a friend.  But when it comes to doing something for myself, I'm really good at rationalizing my way into moving on to something else.  This was a major issue in my college life.  I had 3 majors in 3 years, and the reason I changed so often is because I'd get involved and start to dislike my course of study.  Sometimes it was the subject matter, other times, it was the other people around me.  Which leads to the next factor in my web of fail.  

2-I am very uncomfortable around other people to the point where I am often paralyzed.  

This was a big one since I went to The Ohio State University.  When you are afraid of social situations or other various forms of human interaction, a school of 55,000 people is extremely intimidating.  Why did I not simply choose a smaller school seems like the logical follow up question to this one.  I've thought about this, and after visiting friends who were attending small schools, I realized that a small school would have been EVEN WORSE for me in regards to my issue with people.  At least in a sea of 55,000 you can blend into the background on occasion and simply survive on your academic achievements.  But in a small school, everyone sees you all the time and you become even more of the weirdo who doesn't hang out with anyone.  At a big school, you can show up, do your thing, interact with your professor during office hours, then leave.  This could have been a perfect way for me to operate, but I was too scared to do even that.  College scared me.  I was even too scared to go to one of those support groups for students who were not adjusting well to college life.  As such I was a bad study group member, and I did not get involved in anything and made NO friends.  Seriously, I have NO friends from college.  I have friends I made while I was IN college, but these are not friends FROM college.  

A former friend also went to OSU and joined all kinds of groups and just loved it.  Every time she talked about them I thought about how much I would not fit in to these groups and how it would be a hellish experience if I tried to join things.  Part of my discomfort is the fact that I really don't fit in anywhere.  I'm always the weirdo, and I've been asked to stop hanging around or to please quietly remove myself from club membership.  As such, I'm so scared all the time when I'm around other people.  I'm afraid of being rejected, and I'm afraid of looking like an idiot.  I'm also afraid of coming off as too needy or trying too hard, because I really do WANT friends and adore the people I consider friends.  I'd hate to lose them or be told not to come around anymore, so this leaves me too scared to try.  College was no different, and as such, I did not fit in with the proper groups and societies.  Turns out college is as much about learning to network as it is doing good work.  I was unaware of this and as such was left behind or unnoticed. Another black mark against me.  

3-I am bad with money.

There really isn't much more to say about this.  I suck at managing money.  Therefore, I screwed myself out of being able to pay tuition.  End of story.  Learn from my fail and stay the fuck away from those people giving away free shirts if you sign up for a high interest credit card.  Walk right by them as if they are invisible.  Don't even talk to them.  

4-I have no dream worthy of focus. 

I am kind of good at a lot of things.  But again, we're back to that 64% completion rate issue.  I've never really had anything that I've been obsessed with, so I've never been notably proficient at something.  My husband came to the conclusion that he wanted to draw for a living at the age of 11.  He now draws for a living.  The only conclusion I came to at age 11 that stuck with me was that Prince rocks.  I don't have anything that causes that burning drive in my gut.  I once thought my dream job was to be a Muppeteer, but even THAT lost it's luster when I learned of the right arm apprenticeship.  I am easily disheartened by the reality of dreams, and as such my dreams are easily abandoned. 

5-I am mediocre.

I am very mediocre, and that is the cold hard truth that makes me so sad I want to lie down.   Homer said it best - "No matter how good you are at something, there's always about a million people better than you".  That is of course, Homer Simpson. Although, "Life is largely a matter of expectation" works in this situation too.  I expect a lot from myself, and rarely deliver up to my expectations.  As such, I'm often disappointed and ashamed.  

Part of what makes me mediocre is the lack of obsessive focus.  I'm too much of a Jacqueline Of All Trades.  Tom Wiebell once said to me about himself, "I know enough to be dangerous".  In my case, I know enough to talk to anyone at any time, and I'm always willing to learn, but I'm not an expert in anything.  No, not even Pez.  

I've also been cursed with aptitudes that are the opposite of my interests.  I love music and literature, but my brain is better wired for mathematical and scientific study, which bored me as a kid.  It's totally screwed up.  I have since opened my mind more to the idea of embracing my left brain and filling my head with scientific knowledge, but I'm a bit late to the party.  That's where pig-headed youthfulness gets you, kids.  If I've learned anything from this, it is to be true to my nature.  

Long story short, I could no longer afford to continue with something terrifying on which I had difficulty focusing.  Perhaps one could make the argument that a lack of focus also denotes a lack of intelligence, however I heartily disagree with that assumption.  I rarely struggled with the understanding of material in college.  The struggle was with the process.  I have grown as a person since my time in college, and I think were I to go back now this would be much less of a struggle.  I've been living in the world for a long time, and have learned to venture outside of my own bubble and face my fears when necessary.  I now know how to play a game that doesn't always have the kind of rules I would prefer.  And, I know the value of a lesson learned that wasn't necessarily on the syllabus.  

So, why don't I go back, you ask?  See #3. 

Why I will never make my own Hostess anything

Hostess is calling it quits.  Or maybe not, who knows.  Apparently the shutdown is on hold, so we'll see.  I think I'll wait for the official word from Twinkie the Kid.

Regardless of what is in store for the future of the Hostess company, people are finding many ways to cope with the noticeable lack of snack cake goodness.  Some people are hoarding them (seriously, check out a Hostess display at your local grocery/convenience store - it looks like the milk selection after a nor'easter is announced), some are selling them on eBay, and some people are finding recipes on the internet on how to make their own cupcakes or Twinkies or Ho-Hos.

I keep seeing links to these recipes everywhere.  Most recently on cnn.com, which I found odd because I assumed that the real news story here is the fact that 18,000 + people are going to lose their jobs.  Evidently, making our own fattening creme filled treats is a more pressing issue for most of the American public.  We are the fattest nation in the world, after all.  That fact alone makes the downfall of Hostess so ironic.  But I digress.

I have absolutely no desire to learn how to make homemade Hostess-esque versions of their most popular treats.  I'll admit, I'm not the worlds biggest fan of the Hostess line (with the exception of raspberry Zingers - I'm going to miss the hell out of those things), but even if I had a Twinkie a day habit, I wouldn't want to make my own.  It's not because I'm lazy or a bad baker or impatient, but because the cool thing about junk food goes beyond the taste.

Let's think about this for a second.  Are Twinkies really that delicious?  Are Hostess Cupcakes the best cupcakes you've ever had?  Are Hostess Fruit Pies the pinnacle of pie?  the answer is not really, but we still love them.  And we love them because they are fun.

Think back to elementary school.  There was NOTHING that made a kid the ruler of the lunch table like a Twinkie in their lunch bag.  Talk about trade fodder!  And how good did it feel to reach into your brown bag or lunch box and find a package of Ho-Hos?  Awesome, that's how it felt.  There was just something about those individually wrapped treats that brightened the day.  You could have been packing the worlds greatest cookies, but cookies in a baggie are no match for the factory packaging of Sno Balls.  Factory packaging = bragging rights.  

Hostess snack cakes are for when you have $.60 in your pocket to use in a vending machine you should likely just walk right by and ignore.  They are for the late night or early morning convenience store run that results in a package of cupcakes, a hot dog or a breakfast sandwich that you really shouldn't be eating.  

Making cupcakes at home should result in GOOD cupcakes.  That's all I'm sayin'.

Trust and Body

Portia de Rossi recently wrote a book. It is a memoir called Unbearable Lightness, and in it she discusses her own body image issues and her struggle with anorexia nervosa. 

I would just like to repeat that.  Portia de Rossi discusses her BODY IMAGE ISSUES.  Portia de Rossi.  

For anyone not familiar with Portia de Rossi, she looks like this:

She's adorable, wouldn't you agree?  She's also very interesting and very funny.  She starred in 2 of my favorite TV shows of all time, Arrested Development and Better Off Ted.  She's married to Ellen DeGeneres and is an animal rights activist and is pretty much all around cool.  And she's beautiful.  She's one of those people who is cute in a tshirt, jeans and ponytail, but then is also very classically glamourous when makeup and hair are done for an evening out.  I like her quite a bit.  

I too have body image issues, but I'm a size 22 who's been told by more than one guy that I'm too heavy and/or not good enough for them.  It seems to me like my having body image issues makes more sense.  However, according to Portia de Rossi's book, she began modeling at the age of 12 but was told by someone that her bum was too big.  Who besides a jerk big brother tells a 12 year old something like that?  

Now, I thought for a minute about posting photos of these men that for whom I did not make the cut, but that is just schadenfreude and the whole point of my story here is the beauty is in the eye of the beholder.  One of them got to marry a gymnast so I guess I WAS too fat for him, but whatever.  And frankly, it doesn't matter anymore.  Until my husband who loves me dearly (I do trust THAT, so I'm getting healthier) tells me to drop a few pounds I shouldn't care.  

But I'm getting ahead of myself.

When I learn things about people who fit the classic/stereotypical standard of beauty having body image issues, I'm always surprised.  I mean, you'd think these people have no worries when it comes to their appearance other than someone making an assumption that they are not very smart or some other crap stereotype.  But evidently, most women hate their bodies and have taken drastic measures to change it.  I don't get this, and there has to be a way to change it.  

Of course, we all know that as women we are our own worst enemies.  It's not like Anna Wintour throws a lot of work towards "plus sized" models.  Plus sized models by the way are size 10 and up.  And bless you, Helen Gurley Brown, but talk about mixed messages.  What kind of schizo magazine has articles about loving your body as is then on the next page tips for a flatter stomach in 10 days?  We don't know what to think, and we judge each other.  

And while a case could be made for men being our second worst enemy, it's not the case.  The issue isn't the men, it's the POWER we give the men over us.  Personally, I've given the opinions of men who don't like me WAY too much credence.  I've let rejections stick with me for too long, and I've let the pain of said rejections lead me to self destructive behavior.  I think it is time I'm done with that.  

There are people out there who love me.  They'd love me and be my friend were I simply a head in a jar.  If I'm not their cup of tea physically, it doesn't matter.  I'm well loved by a good man.  I need to focus on how wonderful THAT is rather than wonder why the whole world doesn't see that I can be attractive.  Who cares if men only hold doors for hot chicks and as such I open my own doors all the time?  My husband and I open doors for each other.  I'd rather have that. 

I need to let go of previous pain.  I need to let go and accept the fact that not everyone in the world is going to like me.  I need to remember that everyone has beauty in some form, and the people that I find the most interesting are the ones who can see the beauty in everyone.  If I'm not good enough for superficial people, that's okay.  I'm likely too complicated for them anyway.  

Portia de Rossi taught me that this is not just a fat girl affliction, this body image epidemic.  And if she can rise above it, so can I.  

And Better Off Ted is streaming on Netflix.  If you've never seen it, you need to.

This Whole Chik Fil A Thing

Here is the deal: Is Chik Fil A yummy? Yes. Do they make fabulous lemonade? Yes. Are the people who work there friendly and competent and nice to you? Yes. Are the closed on Sunday? Yes. Therefore, you can assume some religious affiliation. If you're not into religious affiliation in your business patronage, this should have tipped you off. Do I want to spend money at a business that I know is using religion to justify disliking a group of people that I do like? No. Will I miss the lemonade? Yes. Will I miss it that bad? Not really, there is always the lemonade at Raising Cane's and the Southern Chicken Sandwich at McDonald's.